June 30th, 2009
My head has been spinning out of control today. I’m sitting here wondering the person that I’ve become in the past year. I feel like I finally recognize myself in a way that I haven’t before. What can I say? I am overwhelmed by everything right now. I feel like I found something that had been lost for so long. I have everything and yet I feel like I have nothing. It may seem as selfish, the fact that I want more than this. I wish it’s what I deserve, or at least I hope it will be, but as I let my life transpire, I feel I’m losing the last bit of thread I was left holding.
Story goes as always, I’m in the mood to make a point, and don’t worry, I may hesitate, but I will get around to making it. I just happen to be returning from a two week vacation. I went back home, which according to Thomas Wolfe it’s not possible, but I did, and surprisingly enough, it was the best of times. I felt comfortable, content, satisfied, but most importantly, I was finally able to let go of every single thought, anxiety, discomfort and hurt that has been haunting me and clouding my mind for the past year. I can’t help but feel like I can breathe, for now at least.
As I sit here pondering what exactly shifted while I was back home, I can’t help but think about all of the things I have lost, missed, given up. This thought makes me feel a little perplexed. It’s as if I was blinded by my own anxieties, which now, I have to admit, seem petty. Funny, isn’t it? Whenever something life altering happens in your life, everyone seems to advise you with the same misguided, but ‘oh so true’ one liner: “Time heals all wounds”. A year later I come to find out it’s actually true. Truth is I wish I had believed it from the beginning. It would have saved me from sleepless nights, tormenting thoughts, bottles of wine, packs of cigarettes, misguided encounters. I could go on, but I don’t want to make myself look bad. At least I didn’t lose any opportunity to grow.
To say the least, I am feeling a little adventurous. I feel like whatever was broken inside me healed itself magically. I got myself back, and now, I’m just enjoying getting to know me more. It’s as sad as the truth.
Until then…
Story goes as always, I’m in the mood to make a point, and don’t worry, I may hesitate, but I will get around to making it. I just happen to be returning from a two week vacation. I went back home, which according to Thomas Wolfe it’s not possible, but I did, and surprisingly enough, it was the best of times. I felt comfortable, content, satisfied, but most importantly, I was finally able to let go of every single thought, anxiety, discomfort and hurt that has been haunting me and clouding my mind for the past year. I can’t help but feel like I can breathe, for now at least.
As I sit here pondering what exactly shifted while I was back home, I can’t help but think about all of the things I have lost, missed, given up. This thought makes me feel a little perplexed. It’s as if I was blinded by my own anxieties, which now, I have to admit, seem petty. Funny, isn’t it? Whenever something life altering happens in your life, everyone seems to advise you with the same misguided, but ‘oh so true’ one liner: “Time heals all wounds”. A year later I come to find out it’s actually true. Truth is I wish I had believed it from the beginning. It would have saved me from sleepless nights, tormenting thoughts, bottles of wine, packs of cigarettes, misguided encounters. I could go on, but I don’t want to make myself look bad. At least I didn’t lose any opportunity to grow.
To say the least, I am feeling a little adventurous. I feel like whatever was broken inside me healed itself magically. I got myself back, and now, I’m just enjoying getting to know me more. It’s as sad as the truth.
Until then…
