August 21st, 2009
So letting go is supposed to be as easy as I was once told by this very specific person. Truth is it really isn’t. It’s a long hard process that can make one drink more wine than a normal person should consume. But for me, it seemed fairly easy, with time! Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for others.
It seems to me that whenever I am close to feeling like I have been put on that shelf, slowly letting go of those ties and breaking away, they always have to find a way to swoop in and try to tie that knot even more, as if I wouldn’t notice… The weird appearances with close approximation to the place where I reside, the ‘all of a sudden’ friendship that was there, but never really was taken care of, the way these things are becoming less sporadic…Yes, I really do notice. Yes, I am well aware of the intention. Yes, I really understand why… It’s kind of sad. Not that I should ever feel sorry for anyone in particular, but I can’t help but feel this way being that I’ve been riding on that roller coster for the past two years and it’s so funny how it all of a sudden shifted gears. I am particularly curious.
Curiosity has always found a way to play with the way I see things. It’s were it all starts for me. I wonder, I study, I learn and hopefully, at the end of it all, I understand. I really am trying to this time. I really need some help here. I mean, really! Help me understand why, because, I would really like to sympathize. Sympathize with the situation, the feeling, the thoughts, the fear, the trying to let go, the letting go, the cord breaking lose, the trying to hold on to that last bit of thread, but being forced to just let it break….See, I don’t need to understand, I don’t need to feel sorry, I don’t need to sympathize because fact of the matter is that I already sympathize, I sympathize because I understand, for a long time I’ve been understanding the situation, the feeling, the thoughts, the fear, the trying to let go, the letting go, the cord breaking lose, the trying to hold on to that last bit of thread, but being forced to just let it break. It’s understood. So, you see, it is a lot harder when it’s real for you now, but for me, it has been real for a really long time. Advise? I’ll humor you!
Hmmm, let’s see. It gets easy. Time heals all wounds. You’ll forget this with time. You’re better than this. You deserve more. You’ll be better off without. The list goes on and on. Advise seems so pathetic when you are on the receiving end of it. It seems meaningless, impotent, with no value, but see, who better than me to say these things! I do know more than anyone should about this topic since it was imposed on me without me asking for it, the experience, the feeling. It feels like everything’s falling around you and you are just left floating in the air, without really hitting the floor, as if you were hanging by a thread that’s about to break. You’re left wondering what would happen if you actually fell. Well….it did break, I did fall, I did put myself back together and I did pick myself up. And now, as I’m watching the other half of it break the only thing I can say is: be careful with that thread, because when it snaps, the other half hits you even harder, but like I said, I understand!
Until Then…
It seems to me that whenever I am close to feeling like I have been put on that shelf, slowly letting go of those ties and breaking away, they always have to find a way to swoop in and try to tie that knot even more, as if I wouldn’t notice… The weird appearances with close approximation to the place where I reside, the ‘all of a sudden’ friendship that was there, but never really was taken care of, the way these things are becoming less sporadic…Yes, I really do notice. Yes, I am well aware of the intention. Yes, I really understand why… It’s kind of sad. Not that I should ever feel sorry for anyone in particular, but I can’t help but feel this way being that I’ve been riding on that roller coster for the past two years and it’s so funny how it all of a sudden shifted gears. I am particularly curious.
Curiosity has always found a way to play with the way I see things. It’s were it all starts for me. I wonder, I study, I learn and hopefully, at the end of it all, I understand. I really am trying to this time. I really need some help here. I mean, really! Help me understand why, because, I would really like to sympathize. Sympathize with the situation, the feeling, the thoughts, the fear, the trying to let go, the letting go, the cord breaking lose, the trying to hold on to that last bit of thread, but being forced to just let it break….See, I don’t need to understand, I don’t need to feel sorry, I don’t need to sympathize because fact of the matter is that I already sympathize, I sympathize because I understand, for a long time I’ve been understanding the situation, the feeling, the thoughts, the fear, the trying to let go, the letting go, the cord breaking lose, the trying to hold on to that last bit of thread, but being forced to just let it break. It’s understood. So, you see, it is a lot harder when it’s real for you now, but for me, it has been real for a really long time. Advise? I’ll humor you!
Hmmm, let’s see. It gets easy. Time heals all wounds. You’ll forget this with time. You’re better than this. You deserve more. You’ll be better off without. The list goes on and on. Advise seems so pathetic when you are on the receiving end of it. It seems meaningless, impotent, with no value, but see, who better than me to say these things! I do know more than anyone should about this topic since it was imposed on me without me asking for it, the experience, the feeling. It feels like everything’s falling around you and you are just left floating in the air, without really hitting the floor, as if you were hanging by a thread that’s about to break. You’re left wondering what would happen if you actually fell. Well….it did break, I did fall, I did put myself back together and I did pick myself up. And now, as I’m watching the other half of it break the only thing I can say is: be careful with that thread, because when it snaps, the other half hits you even harder, but like I said, I understand!
Until Then…
