March 23rd, 2012
I think it's safe to say this week has been the Week of Abandonment. I have successfully managed to set aside everything in my life to sit around and feel. Feel something, anything. I've been a bit numb lately and I thought that maybe silence would spark something in me so I can see what is really happening. Yesterday, I managed to figure it out.
Ever since I can remember I go through cycles- moments of blissful happiness and moments of pure numbness. I really wish I knew what sparks this, since it doesn't really happen very often. But when it does, I am left feeling somewhat confused with myself. I call these moments of pure numbness Artistic Bliss. Why? I think it speaks for itself. Art is always fuelled by sadness or numbness or anything that speaks to you. I think it's something every artist craves, doesn't matter what kind of art they may do. Funny thing is that this hasn't happened to me since 2008, so it's been a long time.
Now, don't get me wrong- I am in no way depressed or sad about anything in particular. In fact, I live my life day to day very happy. Everything is in order. But inside I feel disorderly- as if something is out of place. For the most part, this is when I feel more creative than ever. So with this feeling, I will be writing more than usual. It always helps me, and by the end of it I usually have figured out what landed me here in the first place. I think I may have an idea, but I will need to explore it further.
It all started last week, when I found out my best friend was coming to FL for a couple of days. I haven’t seen him since 2010 and he was only going to be here for a limited time on business. I didn’t find out fast enough to be able to take off work. At the end of it, he left and I didn’t even get a change to give him a big hug. I feel so far away from him, and this week, I felt even further. I just wish that we could sit down on the balcony and talk for hours like we used to. Listen to him as he plays the guitar and sings to me. I can’t imagine anything better happening. Just talking and saying everything that we have been wanting to say for all these years that we’ve been apart. Finally getting to have a real conversation with one of my favorite people. We used to talk about everything and knew each other’s moves like the back of our hands. Ever since I moved to FL, we haven’t had a chance to just talk. Share things that we don’t tell anyone. He is that person for me: My secret keeper.
And so my hope is this: that by the end of this year I would have sat down and talked with my best friend about everything and nothing all at once. For me, that will always be enough.
Until Then…
Ever since I can remember I go through cycles- moments of blissful happiness and moments of pure numbness. I really wish I knew what sparks this, since it doesn't really happen very often. But when it does, I am left feeling somewhat confused with myself. I call these moments of pure numbness Artistic Bliss. Why? I think it speaks for itself. Art is always fuelled by sadness or numbness or anything that speaks to you. I think it's something every artist craves, doesn't matter what kind of art they may do. Funny thing is that this hasn't happened to me since 2008, so it's been a long time.
Now, don't get me wrong- I am in no way depressed or sad about anything in particular. In fact, I live my life day to day very happy. Everything is in order. But inside I feel disorderly- as if something is out of place. For the most part, this is when I feel more creative than ever. So with this feeling, I will be writing more than usual. It always helps me, and by the end of it I usually have figured out what landed me here in the first place. I think I may have an idea, but I will need to explore it further.
It all started last week, when I found out my best friend was coming to FL for a couple of days. I haven’t seen him since 2010 and he was only going to be here for a limited time on business. I didn’t find out fast enough to be able to take off work. At the end of it, he left and I didn’t even get a change to give him a big hug. I feel so far away from him, and this week, I felt even further. I just wish that we could sit down on the balcony and talk for hours like we used to. Listen to him as he plays the guitar and sings to me. I can’t imagine anything better happening. Just talking and saying everything that we have been wanting to say for all these years that we’ve been apart. Finally getting to have a real conversation with one of my favorite people. We used to talk about everything and knew each other’s moves like the back of our hands. Ever since I moved to FL, we haven’t had a chance to just talk. Share things that we don’t tell anyone. He is that person for me: My secret keeper.
And so my hope is this: that by the end of this year I would have sat down and talked with my best friend about everything and nothing all at once. For me, that will always be enough.
Until Then…
